Saturday, March 21, 2009

Weekly Rant



SO.. Nasar finally went to his holiday camp and sure enough, I lost lots of sleep. I got him a phone (sshhhh..Hang Tuah doesn’t know about this) and that somewhat gave me my peace, although I did not appreciate Nasar calling me at 5.45am asking “where did you put my boxers Mama?”, and then an incident where in between sobs he frantically informed me that he lost ALL his bags! I should have known better and not have freaked out like I did, because hardly two seconds later he happily called me back from the bus to say that the bags were there and that he just “forgot” where he put them. Scatterbrain!

I was hoping that he would have found some time to miss me amidst all the fun that I knew he was having, but when asked whether he missed me, he just shrugged and said “Don’t know” which obviously means “Of course not Mom!”. Sighh.. I have to accept that my baby is growing and that I have to slowly let go. It’s coming earlier thanI would like it to though.

Nasri turned 7 last Monday. Time flies.. The birthday bash with the rest of the March and April babies of the family was fun. Nasri had his turn to blow his cake too, which was nice.. I am still trying to find who took the photos, cos I want a copy please??? On Monday the 16th which was his real birthday, I had a little breakdown. I wanted to get home early to take Nasri out for ice-cream or something. I wanted to celebrate and make the day special. It was already late by the time I wrapped up things in the office, and I was rushing like mad just to be home before he falls asleep. When I told Hang Tuah of my plans he just stared at me…I knew what he was thinking, “It’s not like he knows it’s his birthday”. It struck me hard; and it hurt. Actually, I’m not sure what I felt. Hurt? Guilt? Anger? Grief? I don’t know. But whatever it was, it was painful and it was one of those days when it was so darned difficult to be strong, knowing all the beautiful things in life that Nasri’s missing and feeling so helpless. What kind of mother can't help her child?

I am ok now though. No point in wallowing in self pity, although I have decided that it is ok for me to break down and let it out every once in a while. The kids have been great in helping me with this..There's always something to laugh about and Nasya’s new antiques do so much to cheer me up. There are a gazillion things to look forward to anyways lah kan?

12 comments:

  1. Tak apa it is good to have a rant - we mothers deal with certain things differently and I know you have given your 200 per cent and more.

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  2. Rant away, sweetie, we're only human...there's a time to be strong and there's a time to cave in...in between, find a strong shoulder to cry on...mine is always cushion-y and available.. InshaAllah, there'll be a lot to look forward to this year with wedding bells ringing and a possible (pray it'll come true) clan trip to India??? I'll try to print a copy of the pix you wanted. Luv, kak oli

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  3. oteh - ya larr..must rant. SOmetimes feel that 200 percent tak cukup, nak 300 percent.. Nothing's ever enough.

    Kak oli - nice to know I have cushions! I heard about the trip to India! Hahaha! SOunds like fun! Pak Aji would so be in his element! Tapi kan..jom la buat clan trip to Bandung dulu!

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  4. clan trip to India and I didnt know abt it??? why laaaa! I nak kena belajar bhangra and all that.sounds fun - but cakap awal2 la nak kumpul duit.

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  5. mak teh - Yup..apparently semalam ada mesyuarat di bawah pokok and it was decided that there will be a clan trip to India. This June. And OKB PAKSU will advance the money. And keluarge yang berkenaan akan main kutu RM200 ringgit each to pay Pak Su back.

    Go register for bhangra classes at Ealing. I believe they have classes there..If not, call Rose - I know she can do the bhangra!! Hehe!! PLUS - you know these lessons won't go to waste sebab mungkin kita boleh menari lagi satu hari nanti (hint-hint..remember our chat on my sistah!!? Haha!!)

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  6. WHOA! Bhangra ...di bawah pokok...clan trip ..... kutu..... ummmmm something kinky/fishy going on methinks :)

    Welcome to my kitchen D. Anytime! Don't even have to call, just drop by lah. Steaming faux mocha coffee, piping hot ghee dosai and spicy chicken curry.....

    D, here's another piece of advice - small kids small problems, big kids BIG problems..so enjoy the little pains and heartaches and problems before you are hit with things waaaay beyond your solving ability!

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  7. waaaah, i want to main kutu as well!!! as for bhangra I can sort of practice while Maya give me online tuition. We can bhangra skpe. She's very good, i heard.

    I thought mesyuarat bawah pokok is banned in malaysia? How did they get away with it?
    June is my busy month laaa, so why june?

    Maya, dont entice me with your hot ghee dosai and spicy chicken curry.

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  8. maya - of only I could keep them at this age! I can't imagine having to deal with pimple popping teens!

    Makteh - mainlah kutu. Your banker kak nisa kan ada! Hehe!

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  9. k. dena... baru perasan dah tukar blog.. patut la tgk tak pernah update huhuhu...

    sama la... though my eldest just turned 4yo, he kept me at bay. dint wanna share the fun stuff he learned at school and when i asked dia kata 'dont wanna tell..' how la...

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  10. Anedra dera,

    two points....am still protective over my eldest girl who's already 15...dah how many times I tak bagi dia pi camping...she said she'll lose mark for co-co...i said, do well in yr pmr, ornag tutup mata tak kleh co-co you tu!!

    point no two (ish macam loya pulak dah!)you are strong, so dont wallow in self pity...i used to do tt, but now managed to snap out of it, alhamdulillah, you know you are stronger than you yourself know, sebab tulah allah bagi apa yang dia bagi kat you:))

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  11. Nomy - hehe, welcome to the world of growing up kids! I can't imagine the day when my son tells me he wants to go to boarding school - oh tidakk! and start not wanting to tell me stuff like he does now. sedih kan?

    KG(sikit lagi jadi KJ! hehe, bad joke i know) - i dont think that we'll ever be less protective of them. I know just by looking at my mom and KakTeh too! That's why i suppose God gave us husbands.. sigh.

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