Weekly Rant

SO.. Nasar finally went to his holiday camp and sure enough, I lost lots of sleep. I got him a phone (sshhhh..Hang Tuah doesn’t know about this) and that somewhat gave me my peace, although I did not appreciate Nasar calling me at 5.45am asking “where did you put my boxers Mama?”, and then an incident where in between sobs he frantically informed me that he lost ALL his bags! I should have known better and not have freaked out like I did, because hardly two seconds later he happily called me back from the bus to say that the bags were there and that he just “forgot” where he put them. Scatterbrain!

I was hoping that he would have found some time to miss me amidst all the fun that I knew he was having, but when asked whether he missed me, he just shrugged and said “Don’t know” which obviously means “Of course not Mom!”. Sighh.. I have to accept that my baby is growing and that I have to slowly let go. It’s coming earlier thanI would like it to though.

Nasri turned 7 last Monday. Time flies.. The birthday bash with the rest of the March and April babies of the family was fun. Nasri had his turn to blow his cake too, which was nice.. I am still trying to find who took the photos, cos I want a copy please??? On Monday the 16th which was his real birthday, I had a little breakdown. I wanted to get home early to take Nasri out for ice-cream or something. I wanted to celebrate and make the day special. It was already late by the time I wrapped up things in the office, and I was rushing like mad just to be home before he falls asleep. When I told Hang Tuah of my plans he just stared at me…I knew what he was thinking, “It’s not like he knows it’s his birthday”. It struck me hard; and it hurt. Actually, I’m not sure what I felt. Hurt? Guilt? Anger? Grief? I don’t know. But whatever it was, it was painful and it was one of those days when it was so darned difficult to be strong, knowing all the beautiful things in life that Nasri’s missing and feeling so helpless. What kind of mother can't help her child?

I am ok now though. No point in wallowing in self pity, although I have decided that it is ok for me to break down and let it out every once in a while. The kids have been great in helping me with this..There's always something to laugh about and Nasya’s new antiques do so much to cheer me up. There are a gazillion things to look forward to anyways lah kan?