The *itch Who Turned 34

I intended to write something more intelligent, something worth reading like the saga of Perak, my take on the Obamas etc.. but then I figured, sod it. I’ll go with bimbo old me. Haha, bimbo-brained, not bimbo looking obviously since there’s still those pounds to shed, a haircut long overdue and no make-up on my face, stretch pants and now I am wondering why I even bother explaining, since it is obvious isn't it!

Where do I start? April was a crappy month. The planets were aligned weird which brought out the *itch in me (you can use either “w” or “b” in place of the *) and that just put me in a permanent scowl most of the month.

I turned 34 you see. Don’t you just think 34 smells just foul? I was ok with 33. I was ok when I was 30. 34 just tells you that, err 35 is next year? And that ain’t good. Made me grumpy the whole month. Top that up with the fact that N was away most April and when he got back, just 3 days shy of my birthday he went away again and only came back on my birthday, tired. Fell asleep, forgot about it altogether. Until today. Moan, moan. Bloody hell – I turned thirty blardy four!! And he slept???

That just put me off for the rest of the month and that was the end of April.

And yeah, that’s just how much of an airhead I am.

May, started out better. With age you tend to forget fast, I guess. I was fine for the first few weeks, enjoying life, the kids, Lipsick Jungle and all in life that’s dandy.

And then school exams came along.

It was a wake up call. I had to descend from the clouds, from the Land of Where My Son is A Genius and Does Not Need Help, to the Land of HELLPPPP, Seriously, We Need Help! Aiseh…Nasar was so laid back, he had a schedule all drawn up which basically said - study everything the night before the exams. Whaaaat??? And then, masa tuuu lah, I nak check buku dia from front to end and then switch to guilty mom mode sebab then I realised that Nasar actually needs lots and lots of coaching and needs me to sit down next to him to make sure he does his revision sebab his attention span adalah sebesar nyamuk. Kesian dia. Of course, when I was tired, I switched from guilty mom aka nice mom to *itch mode which then sent me back to guilty mom mode and then back to *itch mode. Kesian Nasar kan? Sighhh, you can never win. I have since bought a book on “What Real Moms Should Know” and have promised myself that I will actually read it someday instead of just using it as a coaster.

N was not of any help by the way. While I was nagging at Nasar up to the wee hours of the morning, he just stared at his computer. I swear he must have been asking himself all the time “What is this THING I married??” Aiseh…You can never win lah kan? And no, I will not get a book on How to Be a Better Wife. Sod it for now.

Exams are over. I have smooched Nasar silly in various attempts of redemption and hoping that I have not scarred him for life. My son is too sweet – he says he loves me no matter what. Sedih pulak dengar and here I go feeling guilty all over again..

May is now coming to an end. I am now normal. I think. The blardy thirty four year old*itch will stay in the closet for a while, while I happily turn on to bimbo mode and pretend I am actually eighteen. Bliss.

Here’s to June! Woooot!