Weekly Rant

SO.. Nasar finally went to his holiday camp and sure enough, I lost lots of sleep. I got him a phone (sshhhh..Hang Tuah doesn’t know about this) and that somewhat gave me my peace, although I did not appreciate Nasar calling me at 5.45am asking “where did you put my boxers Mama?”, and then an incident where in between sobs he frantically informed me that he lost ALL his bags! I should have known better and not have freaked out like I did, because hardly two seconds later he happily called me back from the bus to say that the bags were there and that he just “forgot” where he put them. Scatterbrain!

I was hoping that he would have found some time to miss me amidst all the fun that I knew he was having, but when asked whether he missed me, he just shrugged and said “Don’t know” which obviously means “Of course not Mom!”. Sighh.. I have to accept that my baby is growing and that I have to slowly let go. It’s coming earlier thanI would like it to though.

Nasri turned 7 last Monday. Time flies.. The birthday bash with the rest of the March and April babies of the family was fun. Nasri had his turn to blow his cake too, which was nice.. I am still trying to find who took the photos, cos I want a copy please??? On Monday the 16th which was his real birthday, I had a little breakdown. I wanted to get home early to take Nasri out for ice-cream or something. I wanted to celebrate and make the day special. It was already late by the time I wrapped up things in the office, and I was rushing like mad just to be home before he falls asleep. When I told Hang Tuah of my plans he just stared at me…I knew what he was thinking, “It’s not like he knows it’s his birthday”. It struck me hard; and it hurt. Actually, I’m not sure what I felt. Hurt? Guilt? Anger? Grief? I don’t know. But whatever it was, it was painful and it was one of those days when it was so darned difficult to be strong, knowing all the beautiful things in life that Nasri’s missing and feeling so helpless. What kind of mother can't help her child?

I am ok now though. No point in wallowing in self pity, although I have decided that it is ok for me to break down and let it out every once in a while. The kids have been great in helping me with this..There's always something to laugh about and Nasya’s new antiques do so much to cheer me up. There are a gazillion things to look forward to anyways lah kan?

Happy Birthday My Sayang!

Always at night as I put you to sleep
And nestle my nose in your sweet soft hair
Watching your eyes slowly droop into a close
And your face a picture perfect sereneness
My heart swells with joy and
I thank God for sending me you
My little angel

And at night as you toss and turn
Arms reached out to hug me close
And once more my nose shall rest in your hair
Breathing in your heavenly scent
It envelopes me in a strange calm happiness
And I thank God for sending me you
My little angel

And the days when your sweet smile
Greets me as you flutter your sleepy eyes open
To welcome me in the morning
For yet another day together
You make me feel like a Queen
And I thank God for sending me you
My little Angel

And for the days we discover new things together
Cry over our little pains together
Laugh over little silly things we do together
Rejoice over the precious words that you utter
You make me feel like a million dollars
Yet again, I thank God for sending me you
My little angel

And for the nights when I hold you tight
Your cheeks moist with my silent tears
For I wish I could make life better
For you who makes my life so fulfilled
But I am just a mother with so many flaws
And I can only thank God for sending me you
My little precious Angel

Seven years ago I couldn’t imagine life with you
Seven years on, I can’t imagine life without you
Every inch of you in my eyes is perfect
I couldn’t dream of anything more
So everyday I whisper a little thank you
To God for sending me you
My sweet little precious Angel

Happy Birthday my sayang, Nasri. Love you forever and ever, no matter what...

republished from www.anedra.blogspot.com

Si Gendut Anedra

I have been blaming my c-section for the sorry state of affairs that my tummy is in now. Sebab tak urut during the pantang, and pantang "rocker", the perut which used to be rumah pangsa dua tingkat, can now be called a high-densed condominium! Haha! Yes, I laugh at it, but it really isn't funny anymore.

Firstly, these days I need to pull up my shirt often for breast pumping operations (oh, it would be nice if it were for xxx purposes. ishh..isshh..), and naturally the sight of the condominium complex of fats is not very errr..sightly? So macamana nak dapat more xxx activities?? isshh..ishhh..sidetrack lagi! Sometimes while I am in the midst of pumping, I can actually see N glancing at my tummy and is it my imagination or did I actually see a shudder? But he's been nice about it by not saying anything in fear of rebuttals from me to refer to his tummy which has prospered along mine. Somehow, it's ok for men to have tummies?? How come?

Secondly, let's not even mention getting into my clothes. My bum seems to be ok, and my thighs are ok too..Ok as in meaning that they were the same L size as before, but buttoning up at my waist is a real effort! Imagine the Kimora Lee Simmons scene where she's actually lying down on the floor buttoning up her jeans with help from an aide! Except that my aide kuat menceceh..."Mama..you are FAT! Just buy new jeans lahhh!" Thanks Nasar for telling me something I already know!

I know I need to start exercising but I am just to darned lazy. The pool is just beckoning me to take a dip every day, but whenever I do have the time, I don't feel like getting my hair wet. The treadmill upstairs is collecting dust and I shall let it collect more dust (I hate running) and messages from my aerobics instructor "DON'T WAIT TILL YOU GET FAT!..." have gone unanswered. Yes Linda....I will come soon (by the way, I love her classes. Fabulous belly dancing, bollywood high, salsa and all)

And because I live in denial (that's the only way to live?) i refuse to buy new clothes because I will, with the help of magic, lose weight, and become slimmer than my pre-pregnancy weight. And because I live in denial, I suck in my tummy every time I enter the lift at the office and when I leave my room at work in fear of people seeing the horrendous bulge I have. Stupid or not? Damn stupid isn't it? How long can I do this? Need I mention that I now have red marks on my tummy from wearing tight pants??

So I figured I'd better do something. Holding my breath in for long periods of time can't be good for my health. Starting from tomorrow, we start the GI Jane routine. Exercise at least 30 minutes each day. Go back to aerobics class. Eat less rice and more rabbit food. And since Nasar needs to lose weight, I'll drag him with me, for exercise la..not aerobics! Heck, I'll drag the whole house into this!

A magic wand would come in handy too. Afterall, looking at the amount of fat I need to lose, some serious magic will need to be done!

Tentang Nasar

I was home early from work yesterday and managed to have some mother-son time with Nasar. Nasri was asleep and Nasya was in the pool; so Nasar got my undivided attention which is so rare these days as he seems to be forced to give way to his younger siblings. We were happily munching into our doughnuts and he seemed pretty happy that it was just me and him; so I thought this would be a good time to talk to him about something I found out last weekend.

"So, is it true that you have a girlfriend at school?". Surprisingly, he didn't hesitate to nod while happily muching on. M - e "Ok...so I hear her name is A.S" to which he said "yup".

Ok....

"So what does it mean to have a girlfriend Nasar?"

"It means you like the girl lah"

"Does she like you too?"

"Nope" (So macamana boleh jadi girlfriend ni?)

"How do you know she doesn't like you?"

"A asked on my behalf. He told me to pay him RM10 for asking her. I didn't pay as I had only RM1"

"So, how is it that she's your girlfriend if she already said she doesn't like you? What is it about her that you like?"

He just shrugged and went on and on about the technicality of it, as in she just says that but actually it's different and that she used to pinch him (Hey?? Bukan ke ni sekolah Islam?? Mana boleh main cubit2!) but now she doesn't (and I'm wondering about the relevance of this pinching thing) etc..etc..and that he's ok that she said that she doesn't like him that way and that he doesn't feel hurt and that he likes her because she is cantik and ended it with "She just is my girlfriend lah" There were a few million other questions but the gist of it is that he has a crush, I think...and has no clue as to what a girlfriend should be, I think and knowing my son who has inherited the "Hang Tuah" genes from the dad, meaning macho tak bertempat - of course has no clue on techniques on wooing a gal. Not that it is of any importance or relevance at the age of EIGHT.

Ayooo... I am worried now. One - that they are actually having boyfriend girlfriend talk at school at such a young age. Is this normal? I wouldn't know lah, being sent to all girl schools all my life. Two - that he may feel hurt but is not telling me. Kesian my baby. Being rejected at such a young age can't be healthy! Three - that I need to be teaching him the boundaries between boys and girls already. And that girls must be treated with respect. Four - I need to make sure that he will always have a friend in me so that he can always talk to me about things like this! But at the same time - I insist on being a MOTHER as in being the Empress DOwager of the house with every right to nag, set rules, make all decisions, punish and reward my kids as I deem fit. They have enough friends anyways, and only one mother kan? Is this contradicting ke?

Since we are on the topic of Nasar, it has been decided that he shall go for the holiday camp in some resort two hours away with school friends. I am totally freaking out. I did not in my heart of hearts want to allow him to go; but the dad was all for it and supported the son. He told me "You have no guts lah, you have to let him go a bit". Yes, I will let him go..when he's 20 or something! And about me not having guts..PUHLEASE lah...don't go there! I don't know..part of me agrees with N but the other part (the bigger part) of me says he's too young. Tak boleh ke sekolah dia buat excursion pi kilang chocolate je or something? Kan tak pasal-pasal dah ada internal dispute dah? And of course I lost. Empress Dowager my foot!

So anyways, I am already planning to secretly get him a handphone, so that his mama can call him 24-7. I am meeting the people in charge this week to get the full itinerary, people in charge, phone numbers, bus numbers etc. PLUS I am thinking of getting mom and dad to check into the hotel next to theirs. Of course Hang Tuah will not know of this, so sshhh.

Sigh...I just so know that I won't be able to sleep a wink when he's away!

Mommy of the Year

Alamak, thanks Superwomanwannabe (U definitely deserve Mommy of the Year - 5 of them ok!! And they've turned out great!!) for having me on your list, but I am soooo not worthy. It was tough enough trying to find 7 things that my kids love about me!! Here goes anyways lah..

1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom)

Not spending enough time with them..which brings me on endless guilt trips, which in the end, as I have learned is a vicious cycle because when I feel guilty, I lash out at them and at everyone around me, and things become worse. Not good, not good.

2. List 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.

I love it when they gulp down everything I cook, and when Nasar says "You're the best cooker in the world Mama!"

I love watching them sleep; they look like angels (and then transform into monsters at sunrise!)

I love hanging out with the boys in bed watching telly, or doing nothing. Having them both under my armpits, and then watching them fall asleep. Now I have Nasya added on to the troop, she gets to sleep on my chest!

They love it when I dance. Like really dance (ok - this only happens when the dad is not in the vicinity of our neighbourhood, but how else can a mom let loose kan?)..Nasri joins me, it's more hiphop with him..jumping all over the place. Nasar, since he became an ustaz, only watches and rolls his eyes; but I know he loves my lame Pulp Fiction moves (remember? Uma Therman and John Travolta?). I've caught him practicing some moves in front of the mirror though. Gotta teach him to be more spontaneous! Haha! Can't wait for Nasya to join us!

I love Nasya's toothless, wet grins. I love all their chubby smiles. Makes my day after a long day at work.

I love the way they smell even when they are masam. Until now I would cuddle and smell them at night when they won't notice that Mama's really a wuss that still needs to smell their hair so that she can sleep. Can you imagine my bedtime routine now that dah ada three kids to smell!?

I love the way they make me feel that everything else in this world is so tiny and unimportant when I am with them. The way they remind me that I have strengths that I never knew I had, that I am their best "resource" and that love like ours knows no end or boundaries; that they're my world and that they make everything I do worth it.

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be.

1) Kak Oli - Not only because you have my cute little nephew the "Oh My Dawd Stinky Butt-Butt Boy" but also because you mothered more than 30 kids like they were your own!
2) Kak Teh ( and my other aunts who aren't on blogspot. Ooops, my mom too!) - for being such great examples to follow
3) Oodie ku sayang - cos she's the coolest, tiniest mom on earth I bet. Babes, I miss you lah. Jom lunch!
4) Ely - the rocker mommy
5) Makcik Melopong kat Dubai - The kitchen and mop diva whose children are my bakal menantu!

6) My Tok and Wan; which is no point cos I don't think they know how to switch on a computer, but can you imagine what they'd write if they could blog??

That's more than 5, I know. Typical me, I don't follow rules (bad mommy!)

UPDATE ON NASRI - Saturday 28 Feb 09

For the first time since two years ago, he cut his hair at the mamak's place and did not cry! I was just trying my luck seeing that Nasri is a lot more "stable" these days. He's always had problems with cutting his hair and I just wanted to test him that day.

Nasri was calm and sat still through out the whole 10 minute process of getting his hair done. Yaaaay for Nasri! !! He just smiled and let the abang mamak "style" his hair into place following instructions to "look down", "don't move" and "close your eyes"! Yaaaaay I am elated. Syukur Alhamdulillah! No more messy home-styled crimps!